Are You “Should-ing” All Over Your Business? Finding Your Way Out

Take It From The Queen

I am the Queen of “Should.” As a people-pleasing perfectionist the list of things I “should do,” ways I “should be,” things I “should say,” etc. etc. etc…it’s never-ending. For most of my life this list has dictated the way I show up. Recently I realized this list was impacting my business, and not in a positive way. I’ve been on an active campaign to push back against the dreaded list of “shoulds”, and the freedom I’m finding is everything.

How It Started

I started my business about a year ago. I am still so new. And yet, my business is already evolving and the iteration of it that exists today is wildly different than the one dreamed up a year ago. When I first started, I was blogging consistently. Everything from mom life, to pediatric cancer, to mental health, to transition back into paid work, to book talk, to friendship…it was all over the place. Then I started offering my freelance services as a Content Writer. I began working with individual clients to help them craft copy for their websites and marketing materials. Then as I began working with more and more clients I started hearing the same things on repeat. Ultimately those messages led to the creation of my digital course: The Storytelling Advantage. Enrolling students in that course then guided me into the coaching space.

How It’s Going

When I started I thought I would be focused more on copy and conversion and creating messages that sell whether that be on websites, social media, email newsletters,etc. But I quickly learned my heart is much more deeply attached to the messaging at the core of a business. I’ve found that if we can create a mission and vision statement that fully recognizes who we are, what we do, who we serve, and why then we can allow those statements to inform literally every single thing our business does or becomes. This clarity allows for ease. And that is not a word that is often associated with females in entrepreneurship.

I am so proud of where my business is right now. I mean talking about storytelling and creating story-centered content, encouraging women to show up as their full selves, helping women create content that feels and sounds like them…it lights me up and makes me feel alive.

And yet, I was thisssss close to not walking down this path. The dreaded “shoulds” almost got in the way.

It Almost Didn’t Happen

If you’re a female entrepreneur who spends any amount of time looking at resources or inspiration on social media then I’m sure your feed, like mine, is full of coaches who are promising that if you just buy their program or implement their strategies then you will be making six figures. I mean I am bombarded with all of the things I “should” be doing in order to build a successful business. Forget that I’ve also signed up for some free resources so now my email inbox is also overflowing with all the opportunities to change my business and my life. 

There is such a fine line between learning from other people’s mistakes and following in the path of tried and true, and complete, utter self-sabotage.

What do I mean?

If we open ourselves to all the things someone else thinks we “should” be doing then it can become really easy to use their voice as our default. As someone who is super susceptible to this because of my reliance on external validation for so long, this always results in me doubting myself and relying on them and what they think I should be doing.

But, here’s the thing, these external voices…they don’t know me or my business. And unless they’re someone who has taken the time to truly dive into those things with me, they have no idea what I should be doing any more than I do.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever work with a coach. I’m not bashing women building an online business. I mean, hi, I have a course that I would love for you to purchase. But I am saying be careful.

The issue for me is when we allow all of these voices to get so loud that we stop listening to our own. We start to act on the “shoulds” without first asking what we need or want. We don’t listen to our gut for our next best step, instead, we look to someone else to tell us.

I almost didn’t create my course because I was afraid of what people would think. It didn’t feel like the thing I “should” do next. Maybe I needed more time in business, maybe I needed more experience, maybe I needed a bigger following because I “should” take that step. I can talk myself out of anything. 

After I created my course I almost chickened out of sharing it. I had so many inputs telling me what I should say, how I should market it, how I should price it, and how I should sell it…all of a sudden I had content that didn’t feel or sound like me. In fact, it kind of gave me the “ick.” And literally, in my course, I teach women how to avoid the ick-factor! Yet, here I was!

Recently I had to stop working with a coach because her approach was just not in alignment with how I function and operate. The things she was telling me I should be doing did not feel good to me. Following her advice was forcing me to ignore my own instincts and wants and goals for my business. 

There will always be people who are willing to tell us what we “should” be doing. Just open Instagram and you’ll find them. I just want to caution you not to lose your voice in the process. Find the coaches who are willing to ask you what you want, what you need, what you feel pulled to, and what you think your next best step might be…and then together, create a strategy for you and your business. Nobody gets to tell you what you should be doing except for you.

Come continue the conversation with me over on Instagram!